A NIGHT OF FEAR AND PAIN

Last night. I heard these screams "please somebody, don’t leave me. Is anyone there? please don’t leave me alone...please is somebody there?" and the sound of weeping. Weeping from deep within the heart....heart rending sobs. They went on and on...the screams...don’t leave me...and the weeping, sobbing...I suddenly woke up with a start, and realised it was I who was weeping, and screaming those words...don’t leave me. I looked around my bedroom, found it so cold, and alien. I was still weeping, with a feeling of bone chilling fear. I put on the night lamp, looked at the clock, it was 12.15 midnight. I was scared...alone, lonely, wanting to hear the voice of another living human being. I put on the radio...there were lovely romantic songs being played...but romance was the last thought on my mind then...I only wanted the sound. Oh! how I wished I could call someone, anyone...but who, I could not think of anyone.Suddenly a thought crossed my mind...I hoped the current would not go off... and believe me 5 minutes later, the current went off.Pitch dark, no sound...just the eerie sound of the night...I curled myself, buried deep into the comforter, head covered...waiting for the current to come on...After a wait of 15 minutes the current came on...I breathed a sigh of relief..The lights came on, the fan began to whirl, the radio began to sing...My heart was still thumping..what was happening to me? why was I feeling so chill and so scared? I could not shake off the feeling. 5 minutes later, the current went off again...Oh God I began to cry...deep sobs of pain, loneliness, aloneness, so vulnerable. Would I last the night?10 minutes later the current came on again....I took a deep breath. Had to get myself under control...In retrospect. I remember even as a little boy I always prayed to God that I should never be alone. I feared being alone...Even as a young teenager and then as a young man, and later on I had a partner in life...I feared being left alone...I would get these nightmares, that I am alone.But as fate would have it, things changed and within a few years having a partner, circumstances turned me into a single man, and a bachelor. Few years down the line,my partner left me and flew the nest, to build his own nest. Thats life...My friend left the nest in 1997 May, and straight away flew to USA.. That’s when it struck me that finally I really was ALL ALONE...The first three months after he left...believe me I never slept. I would keep all the lights on. The radio would be blaring, and I would either read, watch TV or just watch all the doors and windows. I was not scared of thieves or murderers. What I was scared of was the unknown....My friends would do Reiki for me...just so I would sleep. I placed the bible besides my pillow. I kept the rosary beads under my pillow, and a blue prayer book of Our Lady of Fatima, above on the bed post. But sleep never came.I was losing my health, my eyes were getting dark circles, and I looked like death. Then one fine day, I thought enough was enough. And I decided to fight this phobia of living alone...and SLEEP.That night, I put off all the lights. Said my prayer...took a deep breath, and before I knew it, I was fast asleep. Ever since then I have loved sleeping alone, and being alone. I have enjoyed every bit of my independence and space.I really don’t know what brought on the last nights Nightmare...It was really a night of chilling fear and pain of loneliness...a dark night of fear...which I would like to put behind me...